There’s this saying, “there is a seat waiting for you at tables you haven’t even seen.” People say this when you’re going through a tough time, having trouble finding your place, feeling alone, or lacking connections or deep friendships.
I think it’s a beautiful image to picture. It’s so transferable! The table could be for a leadership meeting, a Shabbat dinner, a Sunday morning brunch, a board game night — the possibilities are endless. Whatever community you’re imagining, it’s out there, and you just haven’t seen it yet.
But I also think it’s unrealistic. With social media these days, any table that exists, you can search for. You can Google “board game cafe near me” and walk in and join a table. It might not be the right table, but you can join one. You have seen hundreds of tables, in your city and around the world.
The online era is tricky. It leads you to believing you haven’t been invited to the tables that are out there, that you’re not desired, that you’ve done something wrong. If every scroll leads you to another table you can picture yourself at, it becomes impossible not to think this way.
In college, I had a very miserable first semester. I was 17 years old, holed up in my college dorm room, trying several clubs and not finding my place. Then, in my second semester, I worked together with two other students to create the KU Taylor Swift Society.
It might sound silly, but it brought so many people together. Our first meetings were miraculously successful, and the club still exists and hosts events today. It was a beautiful lesson in creating the table I desired, and in turn, making other people’s community-finding experience easier.
I’ve shifted my mindset about community building through that experience and a few others. Instead of thinking “there is a seat waiting for me at tables I haven’t even seen” and waiting for those tables to seek me out or reveal themselves, I’ve been taking a front-seat role in community building.
Sometimes, when you can’t find the right table to join, you have to create it. You have to do the hard work (it’s not easy, believe me) of laying out the tablecloth, setting spaces for everyone and preparing the food. I don’t mean this literally; you don’t have to cook. You can host a walk at a park, a board game night at an already-established community space or a movie night.
“There are tables for me to set” or “there are people willing to bring their chairs to my table” or “If I provide the table, the seats will be filled” are more accurate analogies for me in this stage of my life. I have been so pleasantly surprised by the amount of Jewish young adults in Kansas City that join my table when I invite them.
So far this year, I have hosted seven events for young adults, totaling around 54 guests (though some people came to more than one). I’ve been approached by a few people who told me they made new friends at those events and hang out with them and keep in contact outside of what I’m hosting, and that makes my heart burst. Not only am I having fun setting the table and connecting with new people, but others are making connections as well.
I hope this story encourages you to set your metaphorical table sometime this year. Start the book club, invite others over to bake together, learn a new hobby that will connect you to others or even set an actual dining table to share a meal.
Collaborate with a friend, host in a public space, order catering, do whatever you need to do to get past the “I can’t cook” and the “My place is too small” and the “I don’t know enough people” roadblocks. If I can do it, so can you. Happy table-setting!
Alexis Greenberg is a recent KU graduate with a master’s degree in project management. She is currently Jewish Federation of Kansas City’s digital marketing specialist.