In trying to comprehend the world’s love fest and obsession with a Palestinian state, one must conclude that it is deluding itself into believing that such a state would greatly contribute to the wellbeing of the world.

However, a reality check reveals that such a belief is wishful thinking and has no basis in fact. There are two ways to predict the future reality of such a state. If one looks at other Arab states as a guide, such a state will likely mirror totalitarian states. Saudi Arabia and the other Gulf states provide no liberties or human rights to their citizens. States like Syria and Libya, where there is civil war, use violence against its own citizens. States like Egypt, Lebanon and Yemen are influenced or controlled by Muslim extremists wishing to impose Sharia law.

If one wishes to be more accurate in his prediction, one can look at the nature of the autonomous Palestinian entity in the West Bank and Gaza, created after the implementation of the 1993 Oslo agreement where the Palestinian Authority has been controlling the daily internal affairs of 98 percent of the Palestinian people.

According to past evidence the Palestinian state will have the following characteristics.

Terrorist and militant — After the Israeli army left major Palestinian cities and many villages in 1999 and the PA took civil control of 98 percent of its people and responsibility for its internal affairs, Arafat and Abbas began their war of terror, by sending suicide bombers inside Israel on a daily basis, and murdering more than 1,000 Israeli civilians and injuring more than 5,000. Since the Israeli army and all Jewish settlers unilaterally left Gaza in September 2005, it has become a safe haven for terrorists and more than 6,000 rockets and mortar shells have been fired toward Israeli cities.

Undemocratic — President Mahmoud Abbas and the Palestinian legislature have stayed in power for the last two years without new elections and there is no independent judiciary or rule of law.

Welfare state — The Palestinian Economy is artificially resuscitated by handouts from foreign donors. Economic studies show that 60 percent of its GNP comes from donations from the United States, Europe, U.N. and other nations. The Palestinian people receive the largest amount of per capita donations worldwide, which amounts to an average of $560 per family, per month.

Corrupt — Most donations go to the pockets of the ruling party bureaucrats and senior officials in the Palestinian government rather than to build an independent economic infrastructure or help the people.

Historical revisionist — The PA has repeatedly misrepresented history by claiming and acting as if a Palestinian Arab state existed before the establishment of Israel in1948 and that Jerusalem was its capital. They also deny any historical Jewish connection to the land. However, in reality, there was never an Arab or Muslim state called "Palestine" in the area west of the Jordan river and no state ever existed there except a Jewish state and Jerusalem was never the capital of any entity other than a Jewish one.

Indoctrinating and glorifying death and martyrdom — In the West Bank and Gaza, streets, schools, soccer teams, U.N.-sponsored summer camps and trading cards are named after suicide bombers. TV shows for school children and school text books extol hatred for Jews and praise suicide bombings.

Apartheid and racist — The Palestinian representative to Washington, Maen Areikat, told American reporters on Sept. 14 that a future "Palestine" would ban Jews and homosexuals. It would be the first state to officially prohibit Jews since Nazi Germany.

Rejectionist — Abbas refuses to recognize Israel as a Jewish state and Hamas does not recognize the existence of Israel at all. Arafat and Abbas both rejected two Israeli government’s offers in 2000 and 2008 to end the conflict by establishing a Palestinian state within almost all disputed territories and a capital in Jerusalem. Now Abbas rejects direct negotiations.

Divisive — Hamas violently kicked out the PA from Gaza in June 2007 and since then any attempt to reunite has failed while both have been imprisoning and torturing each other’s supporters.

The world and the Palestinians Arabs should be careful of what they wish for since this hope for a Palestinian utopia will crash and burn like the Arab spring.

S

houla Romano Horing was born and raised in Israel. She is an attorney in Kansas City and a national speaker. Visit her blog at www.shoularomanohoring.com.

Beautifully expressing his wishes and fantasy, the prophet Isaiah, who lived in the 8th century B.C.E., said, "…nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall they learn war anymore." (Isaiah 2:4). That was, is, and will remain a fantasy for a long time. It is a fact that mankind’s entire history is replete with wars. This fact permits us to view the human race as a war-addicted species.

Since eons ago, man’s aggressive behavior has not changed and it is not about to. Therefore, it seems axiomatic that in the future, we will continue to have wars — small wars, intermediate-size wars, and even a global war. Should the latter materialize, and the probability for that is high, it is likely to be fought with nuclear weapons. Such a war could end the existence of the human race. Obviously, we should spare no effort to avoid being dragged into a global war.

It is widely known that the Palestinians’ ultimate aim is to annihilate the state of Israel. Not so well known is the fact that many Israelis subscribe to the motto "Masada shall never fall again." Thus, if in a future war with an Arab entity, Israel is pushed to the edge of the abyss, Israel will use its nuclear weapons, resulting in massive deaths and destruction on the Arab side. This, in turn, could spark World War III.

To avoid the above, the Arab/Israeli conflict must be brought to a definitive end. Conditions should be created that would satisfy both the Palestinians and the Israelis, while realizing that neither side can have all its claims fulfilled. Also, it is important to include in the solution-formula a process that will eradicate from the Arab psyche the desire to destroy Israel.

My research has led me to target two key elements involved in the conflict: one, the Israeli settlers in the West Bank, and two, the Arab population in Israel.

When a Palestinian state is created, the Palestinian people in the West Bank will find it difficult and frustrating to zigzag around the Israeli settlements in their midst. Therefore, all the Israeli settlers will have to leave, and resettle in Israel. This will allow the Palestinians to start their country with a clean slate.

In exchange, and to complete the solution, all the Israeli Arabs will have to leave Israel and resettle in the new Palestine, with the option to migrate to other countries. This will allow the Israelis to have their clean slate by not having an internal Arab problem. No Arabs in Israel and no Jews in the West Bank is the essence of the solution for the Arab/Israeli conflict.

The Arab population in Israel presents a blatantly abnormal social situation not found in any other country. Over a million Arabs live in Israel. They make up about 20 percent of the total population. As Israeli citizens, they enjoy much more freedom and democratic living than their brethrens in any Arab country. They also enjoy the amenities the state of Israel provides to all of its citizens. However, they differ from their Jewish counterparts in two basic respects: One, they don’t serve in the army, and two, their allegiance is not to the state of Israel, but to Israel’s enemies, who pledge to destroy Israel. An American analogy for that would be that 60 million Americans (20 percent of the total population) champion the destruction of the United States.

No doubt, there will be much screaming from many quarters against the proposed transfers of the two populations, with the loudest screams coming from the Israeli Arabs and the Jewish settlers. That is understandable. To ameliorate their pain, the transferees should be given every possible physical and emotional assistance. But once the dust settles, with the transfers completed, we are likely to see very positive results.

The new situation will be considered a fait accompli by both sides and by the world at large. As such, the desire for Israel’s destruction will enter a process of fading away. The Palestinians, free from Israelis breathing down their necks, will be able to divert all of their energies toward building their new country. The former Israeli Arabs will take pleasure in supporting their new country rather than hating their previous one. No one will be able to accuse Israel of mistreating its Arab population, because there won’t be any.

The Arab/Israeli conflict is like a patient. This patient has been extremely ill for a long time. He is going from bad to worse. The only way to save him is through a radical, painful surgery. Thus, the surgery — the population transfers — is performed, and the outcome is a success.

A future historian of these events will finish his narrative writing, "… and tranquility descended on the region."

Zeev Dickmann, Ph.D., is a retired professor of reproductive biology.

Courting the Jewish vote

Republicans are of course ecstatic that the New York 9th Congressional District voted Republican for the first time in almost 90 years, despite its being the district with the largest percentage of Jewish voters in the country, having a 3 to 1 Democrat advantage in registered voters, and having an Orthodox Jew running against a Catholic. Paradoxically, Jewish Democrats should be equally ecstatic.

This outcome shows that Obama is hemorrhaging Jewish votes. Trying to spin the results any other way is futile. Obama is suspected by some of being a closet Muslim; now he will be required to become more Jewish than Moses. In order to stem this tide, from now until election day he will have to go to any length to convince Jewish voters that he is unreservedly on Israel’s side, and doubtless that is exactly what he will do. In fact, the process has already started.

That’s excellent. Israel’s situation now is extremely perilous, and it will more than ever need total support from the United States. It doesn’t matter why it will now get that support; the critical factor is that it will be there. If this means Obama will thereby manage to retain many Jewish votes, so be it.

It is my personal hope and expectation that Obama will be a one-term president. But if the result of the election in New York’s 9th District is a wake-up call that leads him to be unequivocally supportive of Israel at this critical time, it is an outcome devoutly to be wished.

Lee Levin
Overland Park, Kan.

Respect President Obama

I am frustrated by hearing many Jewish people voicing their opinion that President Obama does not support Israel. I have even heard some say they will not vote for him because of this misconception. I have never been a one -issue voter, and am sad that many people are, but in this case, the perceptions (and concerns) are misplaced. Just last week (Sept. 15), the Chronicle included a short article about AIPAC and AJC lauding Obama for the immediate U.S. intervention on behalf of Israel’s besieged embassy in Cairo. Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu also expressed gratitude for our quick and decisive assistance.

Though I am disappointed in some aspects of his administration, I respect President Obama for his handling of the myriad problems that have faced him, many not of his own making. I will continue to support him in every way I can, while respecting the opinions of others who do not share my conviction. However, as Bill Clinton said on ABC News recently, EVERY United States president will always support Israel, so I believe we as Jewish voters can afford to take a broader view of the administration, review its accomplishments, appreciate its support for Israel and think about the values of the Democrats and how they differ from those of the Republican candidates. As many have said before me: “Be careful what you wish for!”

Judy Sherry
Kansas City, Mo.

I recently returned from a conference with colleagues from similar-sized Jewish Federations around the country. We continued some difficult conversations about how the Jewish world has changed and how Jewish Federation can manage that change.

All 19 communities represented in our group are dealing with change: Change coming harder and faster than we have ever seen before. It is driven by economic and political instability and technological, demographic and generational shifting. Some old institutions are beginning to crumble. New organizations are struggling to exist. And a change of thinking and behavior for those under 45 is enveloping us all.

At one time, the Jewish Federation’s primary focus was raising dollars to rescue and resettle Jews in the United States and Israel. Many of our institutions were created to handle the immigrant influx: JFS, JVS and JCCs which served as the hub of “Americanization,” grew from these needs. During this era, our donors willingly supported these newcomers, many of whom were relatives. The newcomers, in turn, supported later waves of immigrants, and fed the growth of our synagogues and organizations.

Fast forward to the beginning of the 21st century: The children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren of these immigrants are making their mark. They are inhabiting a different world — one in which they have economic means, social stability and a society (at least in North America) that is totally open to them. In Israel, which is still threatened by conflict, there is a high-functioning technological economy that has influence far beyond the Middle East. Rather than working to Americanize Jews (as in the past), we are working to make them more Jewish. There are very few threatened populations which require a wholesale move to the promised land. And major conflicts between Israel and the Palestinians are no longer garnering universal Jewish support.

We are a culture defined by individualism. A philosophy of philanthropy once guided by a feeling of responsibility to one another is now guided by the personal cause of the month.

We believe in individual donor choice. Which means umbrella, and therefore, Jewish Federation giving, have lost favor.

So what does this mean as we move forward? Can we still have a community? Is mutual responsibility dead? Can we experience a meaningful Jewish peoplehood? Does support for the particular mean no support for the greater?

Moving Forward

At issue, for all Jewish organizations, is how we do what we do, when we do it, and how we derive our community support. And how it fits into today’s society.

As I stated earlier, Jewish Americans have become American Jews. We succeeded in what we set out to do. So the purpose of our organizations and the resulting programs need to change for us to stay relevant. But change now happens overnight. This, combined with the fact that Jews are free and welcome to participate almost everywhere, including the virtual world, makes it an ever-present challenge to remain current and relevant.

What does all of this mean?

To meet the vastly changed landscape of community, the Jewish world and those of us who work within it, are compelled to do what we do differently. We have to be more nimble as organizations, embrace groups outside our usual circle and make new technology work for us. Some institutions will not survive these times. Others may become dramatically different. History has shown us to be a remarkable people. Despite slavery in Egypt, exile in Babylonia, pogroms, the Holocaust and attacks by numerous Arab armies and terrorists, we go on. We have shared in the birth of a modern Jewish state and have, despite our challenges, developed Jewish education and culture to a level no one ever thought possible.

We will meet these challenges of today with the same intellect, creativity and sense of purpose and in the end we will provide a rebirth of our community in the 21st century.

Todd Stettner is executive vice president & CEO of Jewish Federation of Greater Kansas City.

Cinema lovers in Greater Kansas City do not need to travel to Cannes, Toronto or Jerusalem to attend a first-class film festival. Opportunity knocks starting next weekend when local audiences can find their very own slice of film nirvana in Overland Park at the 11th annual Kansas International Film Festival (KIFF). KIFF will take place Sept. 30-Oct.6 at the Glenwood Arts Theatre located inside the Metcalf South Shopping Center.

This year’s festival will premiere more than 50 films over seven days. The lineup contains an eclectic mix of dramatic features and documentaries with many filmmakers in attendance for question-and-answer sessions following the presentation of their films.
Three films will have a distinctive Jewish flavor.

“Berlin 36” is a drama based on the true story of German Jewess Gretel Bergmann, one of the best high jumpers of her day. Berlin is the host city for the 1936 Olympic Games. America is threatening a boycott if no Jewish athletes are included on the German team.
Gretel has mixed emotions when invited to the German training facility. She doesn’t want to win a medal as she is opposed to Hitler’s racial policies. A renowned Jewish sports official tells her that she would undermine talk of a superior Aryan race by setting a world record. The scheming Nazis feel they have found a better athlete in Marie Ketteler. Gretel and Marie become roommates and good friends. The very intelligent Gretel has to endure taunting and ridicule from other female team members. The replacement trainer makes her run more laps in an effort to get her to drop out. He even separates her from the others by making her eat alone. Gretel makes a surprising discovery, but threats directed at her and her family force her to keep silent. Black and white archival footage and authentic photographs are seamlessly inserted into the narrative. The real-life Gretel appears in an interview at the conclusion of the movie. The dialogue is in German with English subtitles. This relatively unknown story makes me appreciate as a Jew the freedom to compete in sports competition. It will be shown on Monday night, Oct. 3, at 7:25 p.m. I highly recommend this film with my rating of 3 stars (out of 4).

“Habermann” (Saturday, Oct. 1, at 3 p.m.) is a fictitious wartime drama based on a true story. August Habermann is a fourth-generation German residing in the small Sudetenland village of Eglau (standing in for Bludov). Habermann is the wealthiest person around employing most of the Czech population either in his flour mill or sawmill. The movie opens in 1937 with his marriage in the Catholic church to the beautiful Jana, an orphan who grew up in a monastery following her mother’s death. We learn at the outset that Jana’s birth certificate indicates her father’s surname was Silberstein. The bulk of the movie spans the seven-year period from 1938-1945 when the Third Reich occupies the area. August is continually hounded by Major Kurt Koslowski for his saint-like morals and fair treatment of his predominantly Czech workers. The movie gets off to a promising start, but runs out of steam with a violent third act. It turns into a long and tiresome soap opera with made-for-television production values after trying to emulate “Schindler’s List.” The subplot involving Jana being half-Jewish and their marriage a violation of the Nuremberg Laws enacted to protect German blood and honor takes a back seat, becoming almost inconsequential to the friction between the Germans and Czechs. The movie gets confusing with so many characters to keep track of and goes off on several tangents. The movie ends with brutal mob scenes representing Czech vengeance which ultimately resulted in 3 million Sudeten Germans being expelled from their country. The actor playing the Nazi antagonist stands out for the best performance. The passionless lead character is rather bland and fails to curry much sympathy. The dialogue is in German and Czech with English subtitles. The movie won the Jewish Eye for Best Feature Film at the 2010 World Jewish Film Festival. My rating 2 ½ stars.

“Israel vs. Israel” is a powerful documentary that will stir up discussion and debate. It follows four Israeli peace activists who oppose the military occupation in the West Bank and want more humane treatment for the Palestinians. The protest groups represented in the film are Breaking the Silence, Anarchists Against the Wall, Rabbis for Human Rights and Checkpoint Watch. Filmmaker Terje Carlsson filled the roles of producer, director and cinematographer. He is also credited for the original musical score. The movie brings up the issues of nationalism versus religion and differentiates between the state of Israel and the biblical land of Israel that God promised to the Jewish people in perpetuity. The excellent cinematography takes you to places that you will not see on your tour when visiting from the United States. The hatred is most evident in Hebron where soldiers are constantly demanding that the camera be turned off. The movie is slanted toward those opposing what the government is doing and the extreme security precautions. It pushes for territorial compromise and moral behavior that treats human life as holy. The documentary is partially in Hebrew with English subtitles and has a running time of 58 minutes. It screens on Sunday afternoon, Oct. 2, at 3:45 p.m. and you are encouraged to stick around afterwards to meet Carlsson, who will be in attendance.

My rating 3 1/2 stars.

Higher profile major studio releases premiering at KIFF before their regular fall openings include: “Take Shelter,” the Critics Week Grand Prize winner at the 2011 Cannes Film Festival; “We Need to Talk About Kevin” starring Oscar winner Tilda Swinton; “Like Crazy,” Grand Jury Prize winner at the 2011 Sundance Film Festival; and “Dirty Girl,” a comedy about a troubled and promiscuous Oklahoma high school student in the 1980s.

Full festival passes which cover admission to all KIFF films along with special advance seating privileges are priced at $60. Individual tickets are $6.50 before 5 p.m. and $8.50 for evening shows. Seniors 60 and over pay $6.75 anytime. Discounts are available for Film League members. Tickets may be purchased at the Glenwood Arts. For more information, call 913-642-4404 or visit www.kansasfilm.com.

“Siegfried Follies” by Richard Alther (Regent Press, 2010)

In his second novel, “Siegfried Follies,” Richard Alther explores the nature of cultural and religious identity. The novel follows the intertwining lives of blonde, blue-eyed Franz and J, a Jewish boy, in Nazi Germany. The plot spans nearly 30 years, but the novel’s scope is far broader; it reaches back to the beginnings of German and Jewish culture and asks fundamental questions about nation, race and family, drawing from sources as disparate as Wagner, “Mein Kampf” and the Torah.

The novel opens with a young Franz working diligently at a Munich hospital, where he struggles with conflicting feelings of nationalist pride and horror at the mistreatment of the hospital’s patients. His life is given a clear and sudden purpose when, after barely escaping an air raid on Munich, he rescues J and takes it upon himself not only to nurse the boy back to health, but also to create a new family with him. The novel follows their life together and their lives apart as unlikely brothers after the war’s end. Franz plays the part of the ambitious breadwinner while J takes on the role of artist and scholar, and each is ultimately driven to deep introspection that leads to thorough exploration of the cultures from which they came.

Alther’s probing into the meanings of brotherhood, race and national identity is thoughtful and thought provoking, but the facility with which he imbues his questions into plot and prose is inconsistent. At times, the conflicts as played out in the characters’ minds and actions are vivid and compelling: in one quiet, elegant scene, J ponders the importance of community and ritual as he transforms a Jewish-American family’s tool shed into a sukkah. But often the questions come out murky, the conclusions preachy or pedantic. Save for a few poetic gems (empty guard towers described as “gaping scarecrows”), the prose is lucid but unremarkable. Sex, one of the novel’s frequent topics, is addressed bravely but not deftly, and the few truly tender, human moments are counterbalanced by an abundance of awkward genital metaphors and a general sense of trying too hard. Franz and J are on the whole believable protagonists whose motives ring true, but too frequently they come off stilted and predictable, like props whose sole purpose is to ask the questions and address the conflicts that interest the author. The flow of events in the narrative is choppy, and though it is easy to become engrossed in an individual scene, overall the pacing is uneven. It can become easy to forget that this is all one story.

Despite its missteps, “Siegfried Follies” is notable for being unlike any Holocaust-related book I have read. Neither polemic nor maudlin, it is academic in scope and poetic in tone. The story is a good one, even if the telling is at times pedestrian. The novel reaches toward being a grand literary statement; this it falls short of, but it remains an interesting story plainly told.

“COMIC BOOK SIDDUR FOR SHABBAT MORNING SERVICES,” by Howard Salmon (Comicbooksiddur.com, $24.95)

Once upon a time, Hebrew schools operated on the assumption that a working knowledge of Hebrew was such a basic skill for Jewish youngsters that they would be eager to learn it no matter how dry and formal the presentation. However, in our time, when young people live in a world where they are bombarded by all sorts of dynamic visual imagery, the traditional textbook is as outmoded as an eight-track tape. Publishers of Hebrew texts, like those of secular texts, must strive for excitement in order to compete.

While the title of “Comic Book Siddur” suggests that it is a prayer book, it clearly is intended more for study — specifically for pre-Bar/Bat Mitzvah study — than for use in a service. First of all, we should note that it is oriented toward the Reform liturgy, specifically Mishkan Tefilah, with its inclusion of the matriarchs in the opening section of the Amidah and the gender-neutral Elohei dororteinu in the Modim and its treatment of the Shema (omitting the verses from Deuteronomy which traditional Jews consider to be part of the Shema itself.)

The reason I say it would be of use more as a study tool than during a service is that it includes the entire text of the prayers in Hebrew, the English is only a summary, whereas most Reform congregations conduct much of the service in English.

What makes this book unique is the way in which the material is presented. Each Hebrew prayer is accompanied by one or more comic-book illustrations with some words giving an interpretation of the text or its place in the service. For example, the Chatzi Kaddish, which serves as a transition in the service, is accompanied by a picture of a super-hero proclaiming, “C’mon, team. We’ve got a date with destiny! We’re meeting God, so get yourselves ready.” The Shema tells us “God is Real! Forever! Don’t be fooled by imitations.” For the V’Ahavta, a cute bear tells us to “Give God a hug.”

The entire text, in fact, represents the progress of a group of superheroes bent on saving the planet. In particular, Captain Aleph tells us that he is on his way toward becoming a man by studying for his Bar Mitzvah.

Though roughly based on the type of super-heroes familiar to those readers familiar with the comic-book genre, the characters are original and not identifiable with any particular such heroes. The opening, however, clearly refers to the Superman myth, with its unmistakable parallels to the story of Moses in the Nile — in case anyone missed that point in the first Superman movie.

The principal message of this book, perhaps its raison d’etre, is that the traditional liturgy can be relevant and even exciting, that even superheroes can find it stimulating. Hopefully, this message will get across to its readers.

You don’t have to take my word for it — you can see samples at www.comicbooksiddur.com. If you like what you see, this could make an excellent birthday gift for the 12 year old on your shopping list. Anyway, my 10-year-old granddaughter thinks it’s “cool.”

Call for collaboration

The nature of the North American Jewish community is rapidly changing. Demographically, in greater Kansas City, the community is aging, congregations are shrinking in size, and resources are becoming more limited. Culturally, we no longer define ourselves in ethnic terms as much as a community of choice. Many members of our community were not born Jewish, and do not have childhood Jewish memories. People choose to opt in or out of the Jewish community. Families are considerably busier than one generation ago, and many more cultural options are available through the internet. Families that formerly would attend a synagogue for Jewish education and life-cycle events are now searching for meaningful activities that create connectedness and community.

Consistent with the rise of ethnic Judaism, congregations developed as discrete and competing ideological institutions. We belonged to movements encouraging different theologies and practices. Congregations competed with programs for members. Whereas competition may increase quality, it also is likely to increase divisiveness. Rather than seeing ourselves on a continuum of valid Jewish practices, we have often viewed congregations as somehow better than competing synagogues or movements.

But the future will not look like the past, and our practices need to change. Where once we competed, cooperation and collaboration will strengthen our mutual future as our demographics shift. What might that look like?

Certainly, worship styles and life-cycle celebrations will remain unique to individual congregations and movements. Yet, many areas of potential synergy exist. Adult education, for instance, can be planned and implemented across congregational and movement lines. Community members will be able to choose the most appealing course and teacher. But, the history of Kansas City has been that members of one congregation often do not attend functions in other congregations. Yet, so many more interesting options in Jewish education will be available to all of us when every congregation opens its doors to the entire community, and individuals think and at least partially define their activities communally rather than congregationally.

Contemporary Jews are searching for meaning and connectedness. They are not as interested in institutional labels, competitions or theologies as were previous generations. The entire Jewish community will flourish and grow as we increase our interlocking activities and cease to duplicate programs in areas in which theological differences are insignificant.

Rabbi Alan Cohen
Rabbi Jacques Cukierkorn
Rabbi Mark Levin
Rabbi Herbert Mandl
Rabbi Arthur Nemitoff
Rabbi Daniel Rockoff
Rabbi Debbie Stiel
Rabbi Scott White

QUESTION: How long should one sit Shiva? How do the holidays affect the mourning process? How often and why do we say Kaddish?

ANSWER: These are three very important and practical questions that you pose. Shiva, which means “seven,” is the deep mourning period that one observes for a shiva relative. A shiva relative is defined as a spouse, a parent, a child or a sibling.

Shiva commences immediately after the funeral. It ends the next week on the day before the funeral. In other words, if one buries a relative on a Wednesday, then shiva ends the next Tuesday morning. Since most of the laws of shiva are from the rabbis and not the Torah, the rabbis were lenient and ended the shiva first thing in the morning of day seven. Shiva really is practically somewhat shorter because there is always a Shabbat and the eve of a Shabbat where many of the shiva laws are not observed.

Any major Jewish holiday (this does not include Chanukah or Purim) terminates shiva! This takes place as long as one was able to observe at least a few minutes of shiva after burial. I have actually had a burial take place just a couple of hours ahead of a major Jewish holiday where the family simply changed their shoes to tennis shoes (one of the laws of shiva is not to wear leather shoes) in the funeral car on the way home and that was the full extent of their shiva. That was the case because there was barely time to get home and do anything else before the holidays started. As long as one observes any of the laws of shiva even out at the cemetery, Shiva is terminated when the holiday commences.

The reason behind this termination of shiva is that we join the rest of the Jewish people in celebrating a major Jewish festival and one cannot do that when one is in deep mourning. A death that occurs in the middle of a holiday falls into a different category of laws and regulations. Only if one has had the opportunity to bury one’s deceased relative prior to a major Jewish holiday is this shiva terminated.
One purpose of Kaddish is to help the soul of the deceased go through a period of trial and tribulation that is supposed to occur after death where one justifies one’s actions in life (good or bad.) In particular, a child of the deceased reciting Kaddish is supposed to make this process easier. It also shows the proper upbringing that that son or daughter had in their saying Kaddish. As any rabbi will tell you, Kaddish does as much with the person left in life as for the deceased as it enables them to work their way through their grief.
Kaddish is supposed to be said morning and evening every day for approximately 11 months.

Since I have been in the Midwest for the past nearly 35 years, I have seen all sorts of unusual things I never saw on the East Coast, at least as a youngster. I once saw several brothers take turns in saying Kaddish, one at each service. I guess to make it easier on them. Many people say Kaddish only once a day. I guess I am glad in this day and age that people say Kaddish at all, but the real obligation is to say Kaddish at every service.

As I stood in the arrival Hall of Ben Gurion Airport, I began to spot them. Women, without the typical “been on a plane for way too long,” glazed look on their faces. Rather, with looks of excited anticipation, lugging colorful backpacks marked with the now all too familiar letters, JWRP.

Flash back to five months earlier. An enigmatic email: Would you like to go on an all-expenses paid trip to Israel? Contact the KC Kollel! Just hit reply. So, I did, as did a dozen or more other local women. There was an application process which thankfully I successfully passed.

Wow! So what exactly did I sign up for? What exactly is this Jewish Women’s Renaissance Project? At our first group meeting in KC, I looked around the comfortable room at the home of our fearless leader, Esther Sokoloff, and was comforted to see there were a few familiar faces. As we introduced ourselves we all had two major things in common. We were all Jews and we were all mothers. That turned out to be the common thread that bound the experience together for the KC Kollel delegation to Israel.

Flash Forward, Ben Gurion Airport. Cell phones are distributed, money changed, busses loaded. We are introduced to our guides and to the Denver delegation, with whom we would be sharing a bus for the duration of the trip.

Immediately games of Jewish geography commence. Of course, the first person I speak with happens to be best friends for life with a Kansan, whose sister I have known since our early teens.

Our first stop was Tiberius, the Northern-most point of our trip. Our first group event is dinner at Decks, a fabulous restaurant on the shores of Lake Kineret. This is where I get a glimpse of things to come. They begin by bringing course after course of beautiful salads and appetizers.

We begin to eat, when all of the sudden, music blares over the hidden speakers of the outdoor venue. Nearly everyone in the entire restaurant, packed by our group of 300, begin to dance to a spirit-lifting combination of disco hits mixed with familiar Jewish and Israeli folk songs. Women clasp hands and begin to whirl around the outdoor decks, until we collapse in our seats in a state of utter exhaustion. So began a unique adventure.

The JWRP was the culmination of a meeting of a handful of Jewish women brainstorming at a mountain retreat just a few short years ago. Since that meeting, thousands of women have traveled to Israel for the experience of a lifetime.

We were treated as a group of intelligent women who had a right and a duty to know what Judaism has to offer us. We were treated to speakers of the highest caliber and thought-provoking seminars on a variety of topics — raising children, assimilation, what our families and marriages mean to us and what we can do to make them better.

Highlights of our activities included visiting an army base to present soldiers with thank-you gifts, rafting down the Jordan River, camel rides and climbing Masada where some women chose and were given Hebrew names for the first time.

The most glorious moment for me came at our first Shabbat dinner. We sat in the great Hall at Aish HaTorah, the Talmudic learning center that hosted many classes for our group. The room was bathed in the glow of hundreds of candles, lovingly lit by 300 mothers from every walk of Jewish life, as the Sabbath was ushered in. The quiet hum of conversation was suddenly interrupted by the sound of teenagers singing at the top of their lungs. The doors bust open and 60 or 70 visiting college students — Birthright Israel participants — danced their way into the room. They wove in and out of the tables singing familiar Sabbath songs, but with such joy, we were transfixed. Shabbat had come to us and we felt it in a way I feel confident in saying, most of us had never felt it before.

This trip was coordinated locally by our Kansas City Kollel as an effort to inspire us to think about how we as Jewish women choose to lead our lives. It is about finding what, as a contemporary woman, you can do to give your family a chance to know who they are and where they come from.

We learned that the little things do matter, whether it is ensuring that your children have a Jewish education or lighting candles on Shabbat. The sad truth is that we as Jews are becoming more and more assimilated. But maybe, just maybe, in this new age of enlightenment we can take baby steps to ensure that doesn’t happen.

If you have the opportunity to go on this Kollel/JWRP trip in the future, you should certainly consider it. You will definitely get more than you bargained for!